Ropes that bind …and not : The dynamics of a NSA v/s attached D/s relationship

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BDSM Submissive Girl Sitting between her Master's Feet and he is standing in a position that signifies that he is protecting her and taking care of her

“We are all looking for souls whose devils’ play well with ours’ “.

In our eternal quest ,whether intentional or unintentional , to find the right partner we generally have an attribute  list of  “What do I want in my guy/ girl ” thing . But there are many who say Love just happens and that list gets thrown out of the window . Now I wonder what happens when that list  for the some or many of us changes with time . A quality that one  liked in his/her  partner suddenly started becoming a turn off and one wishes he/she could change . I am sure all of us have been through this at some point of our life or are still going through this .

Now lets add a new twist to the game ! Our plain vanilla world of love soon started crashing down as the other world opened doors of an alternative BDSM lifestyle . Nobody was a Dom or a Sub at birth and so some of us screamed in disgust and jumped off the boat . Some of us found our calling and soaked in the colors it had to offer and here we are !

But am sure there are many a mortals who often find themselves tagged in a mix of emotional turmoil for reasons galore . What if you are deeply in love with that one person who is not into the BDSM lifestyle . What if you are married already and there is no way you can leave it all away  just to be in the alternative lifestyle. What if the society doesn’t approve of a relationship that we  practise and your choice of finding a partner is not just limited to yourself .  These and many such more reasons must be a cause of turmoils for quite a souls out there . Some might accuse me of putting this phenomena as a more Eastern occurence than the Western World . But I beg to differ . Situations and conditions can arise without being prejudiced to one’s caste, colors and creed . So eventually what we do is we choose to get into a NSA D/s sub relationships and  the lucky ones get into a more deeper bond of being !

So is a NSA D/s relationship different from one that is attached? Do the dynamics differ ?

So Lets look at some of the common pointers that are bound to exist whether the D/s relationship is NSA or Attached .

TRUST – The basic fundamental whereby we let our souls open to our darkest corners

HONESTY- To be truthful in our endeavors .

RESPECT – To acknowledge and hold in high regard the beauty of the soul shared .

UNDERSTANDING-  To know the little things that make a big difference .

EMPATHY- To be able to perceive & feel our experiences mutually so as to seek maximum pleasure .

OPENNESS- to establish a truthful and open form of communication .

CHEMISTRY – Ahh, If that’s not there , then you might as well be into vanilla.

ACCEPTANCE – The beauty of things lies in the fact that each one of us have our own unique taste and taste for blood .

INTERESTS- Kinky, wierd or sometimes ,just the usual..we all like to experiment at different levels .

ARGUE HEALTHILY – Its not a smooth sailing all the time .So speak up !

SENSE OF HUMOUR- Do I need to explain that !! 😉

GOOD (waiittt ) GREAT  SEX – !!!!!!

I am not a psychologist and may not have covered all the points here but I believe the above points are important for any relationship to survive . So where does the line gets drawn between an NSA and an attached relationship .

I tried to think over this and there is only attribute that came to my mind. May be I am wrong and you can help me with this . But all I found missing was EMOTION . First of all , lets get this clear that we are not speaking of a regular casual NSA relationship or a ” Friends with Benefits ” scenario here because for that you don’t require the above mentioned attributes between two partners .

So when the BDSM scenario involves so many attributes can you be into it without any emotion ?  Or is there anything called controlled emotion ? The walls are guarded  and even if they are open , you hold the doors to them. Is it so easy to be in roleplay at a given moment and then walk out as if nothing happened ? Is it so easy to sexually submit ourselves in our most devilish attributes and come unscathed in the heart  ?   Can you actually feel nothing for a person who compliments your darkest hidden desires ? Can you actually be cold and emotionally closed to the one who takes you to the tip of absolute sensual erotica and back  ?

May be it is or may be not . May be we really feel nothing or may be its just forced upon us . We are all unique in our sense of emotions and are a product of a socio -cultural factors that defines the way we do things and the way we react . I really don’t know what would be an answer to the questions posed . May be there is no answer !

The questions remain eternal , just like the way , our search to find the devil that plays well with ours !!!

© The Mystic Dom 2014

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9 thoughts on “Ropes that bind …and not : The dynamics of a NSA v/s attached D/s relationship

  1. Kate Spyder says:

    Though I have never been in a BDSM relationship, I cannot imagine anyone could have a NSA D/s relationship without emotion or even with only controlled emotion. But then allowing any man or woman to touch me always generates emotion within me, so it is difficult for me to understand how anyone can be with another without emotions being involved.

  2. The Mystic Dom says:

    You are absolutely right Kate but each one of us is different. I am sharing this post out of my experiences. Sometimes , when you enter into a D/s relation, there are certain rules cleared out-Be it emotional or physical . The act may bring out the best of passion and emotions but later its all as cold as you can imagine. The respect remains but there is no attachment or obligation. And its better to leave it that way because if you start getting the dynamics of an attached relationship involved things go haywire . Well as I said , sometimes things are totally unexplainable and again to each his own !!!

    1. Kate Spyder says:

      True, some things are unexplainable. It would have been more appropriate if I had said I couldn’t imagine me ever in a D/s relationship that did not have an emotional involvement. I appreciate you sharing your experiences. I’ve been intrigued by D/s relationships. Your post intrigued me because of the questions you posed and how they reflected my own curiosity of whether D/s relationships are really just role playing or is it or can it be a complete lifestyle change that is lived 24×7 with a deep emotional attachment. I’m sure there are those who enjoy it either way and even in between. It is just quite mind boggling as to how different it seems to be from one person to the next.

  3. Desiree G says:

    I am ruled by my emotions — so while there may be NSA, my heart WILL be attached, no matter the agreement between the two parties.

    1. carina says:

      I have to agree – my emotions are always at the forefront if I am submitting to someone. And it is hard to pull away and not feel anything an hour or a day later.

  4. LittleBoPeep says:

    Very few women can compartmentalize sex and love. Those that can are not necessarily at an advantage. The submission in an NSA D/s arrangement, would by definition, be much less significant than in a committed relationship, but enjoyable nonetheless for what it offered.

    1. themysticdom says:

      true that . Sometimes the need for sexual gratification is void of any emotional attachment . and there is no lesser being or immoralness in thinking so for a woman . Each one has her own needs and men need to respect that and look at it in a much more holistic view. The situations sometimes make a person take certain steps and one has to understand and respect that .


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